Good Day to Die

My MP3 player has been telling me lately that "everyday should be a good day to die". Dave Mathews blurts it out whenever he sings You Never Know. I really like the version I have from his live concert at The Gorge, and its songs have been in my recent play lists quite a bit. I've never been to the Gorge, but it looks just beautiful (I got the concert DVD from the library, so not only was I able to hear the song, but see it as well).

"Everyday should be a good day to die" makes me think of Klingons. Now there was a magnificent race of beings. In a lot of ways I think I would like to be a Klingon, but of course when it comes right down to it, I am probably too much of a wimp. I wonder if Dave Mathews is a Klingon.

So, of course I get to thinking... what have I done today that would make it a "good day to die"? In other words, if I died today, what did I do to spend it in such a way that would make me proud of my last day on Earth?

The answer is ... Predictably ... "not much". I hugged kissed my wife and kids and told them I love them (i love them more than anything). I went to work, and basically made it through the day. I went home, hugged and kissed my wife and kids again. I ate supper ... some very yummy pasta shrimp meal that my wife makes. I played with Tyler. I cuddled and "goooed" with Connor. I read both boys a book or two. I brushed Tyler's teeth and put his jammies on him. Then, I went to Balley's and worked out while listening to my MP3 player (including Dave Mathews) . I came home and blogged a bit. After this I am going to bed.

If I don't wake up tomorrow, will I be in heaven thinking ... "man, I should have made more of my last day on earth" ???

Well, as it turns out, I did make it through the night. I saved this blog as a draft, went to bed, read some, stared at the ceiling contemplating whether it had been "a good day to die".

So, here is the thing: I have a great life. I have a wife and children I love with all my heart. I have a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I am pretty healthy and live in Colorado ... I used to DREAM I would someday live in Colorado. My job is pretty good. Most weekends I spend quality time with my family ... quite often in the mountains. My life is wonderful, but still, most days I do not go to bed with the feeling that the day was worthy of the tag "a good day to die".

Of course, most of Monday through Friday, I spend most of the day getting ready for work, working, coming home from work, working at home, or thinking about what I am going to do at work the next day. I am far from a work-a-holic, at least when I compare myself to other people I know, but still, I spend far much too time in employment mode to consider most days spectacular. And, I don't love my job. I think I used to love it, and it is still very good as far as jobs go, but it is not the sort of job where I get up in the morning excited about going in. It is not the sort of job where I come home at night and think ... "that was fun today, I can't wait to do that again". It is a typical job where I hate Mondays and live for going home on Friday afternoons for the weekend.

That being said, my typical work day has 24 hours in it.
Let's pretend that I get 8 hours of sleep. This is laughable considering it is 4:30 in the morning, I've been up since 3:30 or so, and I probably won't go to back to bed tonight, but let's pretend. That leaves 16 hours in my day.
Now, on a typical day, it probably takes me about 2 hours to get ready for work and travel to / from work. 14 hours left in my day.
I usually spend about 10 hours working a day. Sometimes less, sometimes considerably more. But I think 10 hours is a good average.

That leaves 4 hours a day for myself and my family. Factor in a meal, playing with the kids, letting my wife know I still exist (and that I know she exists), the health club, and my day is pretty much gone. Luckily, quite often I don't sleep, so that gives me a little extra "me" time, but quite often that extra "me" time is spent working or worrying about work.

I am not complaining. I know people who spend more time working (just about everyone in my office) and less time with family. My point is just that, on a typical workday, I just don't have time to do anything extrodinary enough to say "today was a good day to die". It is sad, but unless I find a job that I completely and utterly love, or I become independantly wealthy, and don't have to work, it is just never going to be the kind of life where everyday was the kind of day that I would consider a great last day.

I wonder if anyone out there has that kind of life.

click to show song

Sitting still as stone watching - watching
People walking by you wondering why
No one ever stops to talk or thinks about it if they ever did
What if God shuffled by?

One day we might see
Doing not a thing
Breathing just to breathe
We might find some reason

But rushing around seems what's wrong with the world
Don't lose the dreams inside your head
They'll only be there til you're dead
Dream

Lying on the roof counting
The stars that fill the sky I wonder if
Someone in the heavens looking back down on me I'll never know
So much space to believe

Funny when you're small
The moon follows the car
There's no one but you see
Hey, the moon is chasing me

I worried if I looked away she'd be gone
Don't lose the dreams inside your head
They'll only be there til you're dead
Dream

Walking through the wood
No cares in the world
The world has come to play
She's all mine just for a day

There's not a moment to lose in the game
Don't let the troubles in your head
Steal too much time you'll soon be dead
So play

All fall down
It won't be so long now
Out of the darkness comes light like a flash
You think you can you think you can
Sometimes that is the problem
Dream little darling dream

Spinning on the wind
The leaf fell from the limb

But everyday should be a good day to die
Oh all fall down
It won't be too long now
Every fire dies
I find it hard to explain how I got here
I think I can I think I can
Then again I will falter
Dream little darling dream

Spinning on the wind
The leaf fell from the limb