Monday, March 13, 2006

Male Grizzlies

This weekend I was attacked by a huge male Grizzly bear. He might have been protecting a little Grizzly cub who was crawling around the area. Something about these two bears reminded me of the male African lions who attacked me last weekend. (Click here for that story). I'm getting too old to be attacked by wild animals every weekend.

But, this time as the huge bear was charging, I had a "Brother Bear" type experience. All of a sudden, I became a bear. Pretty freaky, but at the time, I didn't complain, I just used my newly discovered talent to protect myself. Shape-of-a-Grizzly-Bear!

It was an epic battle. When I became a bear, I became one that was much bigger and stronger than even the huge bear that had attacked. He was persistent, though. No matter how many times I pushed him away, he kept coming.

Even with my bear-shape, I am sore from the battle today.

I hope someday to find out how wild animals keep getting in my house. I'm not sure how many of these I can survive.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Dell Part II

Sheppy's Blog: Dell

So, Dell had me reinstall windows again. I did it. I was still having problems. I called the next day to complain and now they are sending me a brand new computer. It will be the exact specifications that I ordered with this current computer.

As I mentioned, I have a co-worker with the exact same computer and basically running the same software who had no problems, so I should be fine, but I have a bit of a nagging doubt that the new computer might have the same problems.

I hope not.

But for right now, I am happy with Dell.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


Here I am running hardware diagnostics on my brand new Dell computer. So far, all the tests have passed and I am on the last one (Hard Drive) before the guy on the line tells me that my problem is software. The thing is... I really believe that even if it is software, it is software that Dell provided me. I am sort of pissed at the moment that the last tech support person I talked to didn't have me try this before she had me reinstall windows. Yes, the last tech support person had me reinstall windows and other factory installed software. I've spent more time trouble shooting this brand new (two weeks old yesterday) computer than I've spent troubleshooting all other computers in my life. And, I am a bit suspicious that some of the software I've installed isn't all that stable, but then, I had it all running on my last Dell computer with no problems. AND it is software that I need for my job. AND it is software that a friend / coworker of mine is running on the exact model of computer I am using. I don't know... I am just killing time here while the diagnostics run. At this point, I hate Dell and will probably never buy another. I want to return this piece of crap, but I'm not exactly sure they'll let me if their diagnostic tool doesn't show there is a problem.

Probably not since their warranty says under "Things that are not covered":
Software, including the operating system and software added to the Dell-branded hardware products through our factory-integration system, third-party software, or the reloading of software

What kind of idiot am I buy an expensive laptop computer that doesn't even guarantee that it will work with the software they install. I guess I am screwed.

And then... what do I do for a laptop?

This damn thing is only 38% done. I hate Dell.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Male Lions

I was attacked and mauled by a couple of wild, vicious, African male lions in my own home yesterday after supper. It was a terrifying experience. One was much bigger than the other. In fact I think the littler one wasn't much more than a baby. He was, in fact pretty cute, but once he saw what the bigger one was doing, he joined in with a savagery that made me think he was trying to imitate the big one. Maybe they were brothers and the little brother was trying impress his bigger brother.

Anyway, the big one started by charging at me with a blood-curdling roar and his long sharp teeth and claws chomping and slashing toward me. I fought him off as well as I could. In fact, I felt I had things under control until the little one started in as well. The big one kept knocking me over and the little one kept clawing and biting at me while I was down.

The roars of these lions were enough to wake the dead. Actually, I don't think the little one would have been so bad, but when he joined in with the bigger, I really felt like screaming in terror. In fact, I did scream for help.

One thing I didn't know until last night is that male lions sometimes wear batman pajamas. Apparently, they also wear batman underwear. Pretty weird, huh? I also didn't know until last night is that some male lions have only a few teeth and drool something horrible. It only makes getting attacked that much more frightening.

Another thing about wild African lions that surprised me is that they are surprisingly proficient at speaking English! I mean, I've seen Lion King, and those lions talked, but I thought Disney took some liberties when it made those lions speak. No, lions actually know English! The larger of the two lions kept saying things like "I'm a big male lion and I'm grumpy!" Even the little one seemed to say "Da Da Da Da Da," quite a bit.

I also found out that my wife doesn't really care if I get attacked or even eaten by wild animals. I keep screaming for help and she just kept on washing dishes. Washing dishes is one of her favorite activities, but I always thought that if my life was in danger, she would do something or at least be a little worried about me. She was so into her dishes that my cries for help barely even registered with her, and she just ignored my situation.

After what seemed like hours of unrelenting attack, I was finally able to stop the bloodshed by agreeing to read a children's' magazine to the two lions. The magazine had an article in it about lions. Apparently wild African lions enjoy hearing about themselves. I am battered and bloody, but I survived. I don't think I'll ever be quite the same, though.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Tweedle beetles

I've been watching out for the tweedle beetles. It is difficult because they are sneaky. Whenever you look for them, they scatter. Who knows where they go? To make matters worse, whenever they walk around in downtown Denver (maybe other cities as well) they are in disguise! Sometimes they look like big fat men. Sometimes they look like skinny little girls. Sometimes they look like homeless guys or women. Sometimes they look like regular beetles. Differentiating between tweedle beetles in disguise and everyone else is not easy. There is a subtle look in their eyes which is hard to pick up without experience in this sort of thing. And it is hard to see their eyes while they are scattering.

One way you know for sure you are looking at a tweedle beetle is if it is in a bottle with other tweedle beetles having a paddle battle. Quite often the bottle is on a poodle. Sometimes, the poodle is eating noodles. If there is a fox in sox in the bottle with them and a knox is walking away from the bottle, you can be almost certain that you are looking at tweedle beetles. In fact, I've never ever ever heard of this happening with anything but tweedle beetles.

Unfortunately, it is somewhat rare that just walking around downtown, tweedle beetles behave like that. As I said above, they are usually in disguise. Now, I've never had a tweedle beetle do anything physically to me while I'm walking around, but then I look out for them. I hardly ever let my guard down, so it could be that the tweedle beetles are looking for easier marks. I suppose it is possible that the reason I have not had problems with tweedle beetles is that they are, in fact, harmless. But what is the likelihood of that? I certainly don't trust a whole group of organism that wander around in disguise.

You shouldn't either. Watch out for those tweedle beetles.

When Tweedle beetles battle with paddles in a bottle and the bottle is on a poodle and the poodle is eating noodles, they call this a Tweedle beetle puddle paddle noodle poodle battle.

Dr. Seuss