Tuesday, September 18, 2007


I rode the light rail into work today and composed a brilliant Blog about September and Tweedle Beetles and the Summit County mob. Somehow, I lost it. I blame the Tweedle Beetles. Now, this less-than-brilliant recreation from my memory will have to do.

So, it is now past the ides of September and I cannot believe that the summer is gone. Of course, the weather is still summer-like for the most part, so it does not feel like the summer is over. But, still. Where did it go?

The Shepards attended the annual Breckenridge Duck races again this year. We had a good time, but again we did not win. We did not even place. And this year I believe we had the best ducks. Our ducks should have dominated the field, both in the children's duck race and in the main event. We certainly should have come home with some prize. We didn't.

So obviously, there is one (maybe more than one) Duck Race Official who is under the influence of the Summit County mob. There is no other logical explanation for our defeat every year. He probably started out betting on non-duck-related events, and lost a little too much to the wrong people. Once he was in dept to organized crime, though, he was forced to influence races he was officiating and now he cannot get out from under the thumb of the Summit County mob. Eventually you would think he will slip up enough to get caught and the mob will just get to someone else. The Shepards may never win the Breckenridge Duck Race.

I cannot prove it, but I think the Tweedle Beetles are heavily involved with the Summit County mob. This Duck Race scandal certainly fits with their MO. They are the only ones sneaky enough to fix a Race for charity, and to cover it up so neatly. I guarantee that I am the only one who even suspects there is foul-play here. As far as I can tell, I am the only one who is convinced that the Tweedle Beetles are so nefarious. And even I cannot prove it. They are so secretive and sly that even someone who tries to watch them like a hawk cannot be sure they are into such contemptible underhanded dealings. Come to think of it, I would bet that the Tweedle Beetles run the Summit County mob.

I also think that the Tweedle Beetles are responsible for the Pine Beetle epidemic in Summit and Grand Counties of Colorado. What makes me the most suspicious is that no one else suspects it. I mean, how obvious could it be. Pine Beetle ... Tweedle Beetle. Have you ever seen a Pine Beetle? There is no way such small creatures can destroy miles and miles of trees the way their grubs are accused. Have you ever seen a Tweedle Beetle? They have sharp teeth and mean - looking eyes. They could defiantly pull it off. I am not sure what motive the Tweedle Beetles have to destroy pine forests other that pure malicious intent towards people (and especially me) in general. And people think they are so cute!

So, anyway, we did not win the Duck Race. We did not even place. We won nothing. I am not even sure they put our ducks into the water (the Duck Race Official could have just kept ours in the truck or drugged them or just about anything). I cannot complain, because the whole purpose of the event is raise money for the Summit Foundation. If I complain, I come off as a petty, sore losing, child-hating troll. See how genius the whole thing is? Only the Tweedle Beetles would try such a plot.

And now we are well into September and I feel like the summer was not all it could be. It was a nice summer but ....

I did not climb any 14ers. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

We only went camping a few times this summer. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

The Rockies are pretty much out of the play-off race. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I do not own a big-screen TV. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I did not get as much development done on our Auction software as I would have liked and now we have some time crunches. Obviously I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I did not go on SheppyQuest this year. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I did not work out as much as I should have and quite often have trouble sleeping at night. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I am addicted to Venti Vanilla Non-Fat Lattes. Who else would I blame other than the Tweedle Beetles?

I got rid of our Blazer for a freaking Mini-Van. Obviously this is the fault of Tweedle Beetles.

I am not sure how to spell Tweedle or Beetle. I had to look up the spelling for both words. A smart guy like me should not have to do that. Guess whose fault that would be!

I cannot figure out a good way to snoop through my wife's email without her knowing. Let's blame the Tweedle Beetles.

The Broncos started 2-0, but really do not look that good and will probably win their first 5 and end the season 9 and 7 missing the playoffs. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I got into work today and my security card would not let me out of the stairwell. I blame the CHFA IT department. There is no evidence to suggest that the Tweedle Beetles are involved in any way.

My cell phone lost my brilliant blog this morning and now I have to recreate it from memory which is not turning out nearly as good. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I am obsessing about creatures who only exist (allegedly) in a Dr. Suess book. Can you imagine whose fault that is? Tweedle Beetles.

Fox news seems to think I care that Donald Trump does not like Rosie O'Donald and who gets custody of Anna Nicole Smith's kids. Of course the last couple days have actually all-OJ, all the time.

No one (except my sister) reads my blogs, because of the Tweedle Beetles.

Roxboro State park is starting to get surrounded by ugly mansions... built by Tweedle Beetles.

The Ducks won the Stanley cup. Thanks in part to the Tweedle Beetles, I'm sure.

Octoberfest starts this Friday because the Tweedle Beetles.

We missed getting tickets to Day out with Thomas this year. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

Who knows what other stuff the Tweedle Beetles or involved in? If I can come up with all these things in a matter of a few minutes, imagine the hordes of evil plots they are connected with. And the frightening thing is... almost no one even realizes the threat.

Maybe I can track down Fox in Sox or Knox in a Box. Certainly they must be wise to the impending peril. Especially the Fox in Sox. He is a first-hand victim of their violence and deception. Yes, I will seek the Fox and the Knox and form an alliance. Together we will figure out a way to save the world from the Tweedle Beetles. That is... if the Tweedle Beetles don't stop us first.

BEWARE the Tweedle Beetles. BEWARE.

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