Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Thing 2

Thing 2 probably feels that he got a bad rap when it comes to public perception after the whole Candy Cane Hat Cat incident. Imagine if you will, a young man leaving home in his teens to search his fortune in the big city. He quickly learns that no one in the big city is there to give you anything. He discovers the hard way that seemingly trustworthy people take advantage of naive young men. Food costs money. Housing costs money. No one wants to hire an inexperienced untrained kid, especially one with crazy blue hair. Money runs out. Life on the streets gets hard. And dangerous. A young man will do whatever it takes to survive.

His name is not even Thing 2. His parents named him Billy 1. He has two younger brothers Billy 5 and Mikey and a sister named Girl. It was not until he met the Candy Cane Hat Cat that he became Thing 2.

And the Cat is a smooth talker. He invites Billy 1 to his favorite Starbucks and buys him a Decaf Latte along with a cream danish. You cannot blame hungry Billy 1 for accepting an invitation for a coffee and some food.

The Cat spends the next hour or so telling Billy about all of the Candy Cane Hat Cat's "business interests". You can bet during the first meeting the Cat mentioned nothing about riding around in a big red carton and terrorizing young children and fishes. The Hat Cat probably makes it all sound like he is letting Billy 1 in on the ground floor of an incredible opportunity. By the time the Cat is done with the pitch, the young man is ready to sign up, but the Cat tells Billy to take some time and think about it. In the mean time, here's 100 bucks. Of course 100 is more than Billy has had in his pockets in a long time.

Over the course of the next few weeks the Cat has odd jobs for Billy to do for him. They are simple tasks that The Cat overpays for. It is at this time that Billy becomes Thing 2. He is proud to have a nickname from such a rich powerful business cat. And with the money, Thing 2 can afford such luxuries as food and shelter.

And then one day the Candy Cane Hat Cat asks "how would you like to make some real money?"

He continues by saying something like "now I realize that this sort of opportunity is not for just anybody and if you do not think you can hack it I totally understand, but I think you are just the sort of fellow who would excel at this." And with that flattery, the Candy Cane Hat Cat has Thing 2.

And just like that our blue-haired hero is shoved in a red box with Sid, a guy not unlike Thing 2 only more experienced and meaner for have been in the box longer. Fed only Espresso Beans and sugar, stored and roughly transported in a dark crate along with another guy and various junk, can you blame Thing 2 for going berserk when let out?

When a large Cat in a big candy cane striped hat comes in your house with a large red crate, do not give him an opportunity to open the box. And if you do, don't shake hands with Sid or Thing 2. And for goodness sake do not let your fish start talking. Talking fish freak out young blue haired men that have been carted around in a big box and fed only espresso beans with sugar for days at a time. By the time the hopped-up Thing 2 had even figured out what was happening, he had been attacked by blue white and red dresses and gotten a kite totally tangled up in everything.

Thing 2 was probably relieved when a net scooped him up. Espresso beans will do crazy things to even the calmest best behaved kids who have been cooped up.

And who do you think was the scape goat in this situation. You know the Cat never saw the inside of a jail. He and his money even got Sid out with little more than a slap on the wrist. The worst of the punishment fell on poor Thing 2. As always the guy with the least control takes most of the blame.

Currently Billy 1 is in rehab for an espresso bean addiction. He is attempting to get his life together, but he will always have that monkey on his back. Every time he walks past a Starbucks (and how far can you go without going past one?) he will have to fight the urge to partake. It is probably only a matter of time until he is back in a big red crate hooked on the beans and out of control.

Who is making the Cat accountable for the lives that he ruins?

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