Thank you John

EDIT ... 01/23/2013

The following "Dear John" letter is meant to be ridiculously sarcastic. Apparently, I failed miserably in conveying the sarcastic tone.

Today, I got an email from my Contact Me form asking how much of a "boatload" of money I was able to get. It sounds like the individual who emailed me got a similar email from John or someone else and was considering my "response" as validation that he might himself become wealthy from this "opportunity".

As I mentioned in Neil Zhang, the emails I got and others like them are [obvious] scams.

I do apologize for my apparent failure. If you come across this blog post because you are considering contacting John or Neil or others like them DON'T.

see

• http://www.firetrust.com/en/blog/chris/domain-name-scams?page=13
• http://www.hoax-slayer.com/domain-name-application-scam.shtml
• http://blog.ericshepard.com/2012/02/neil-zhang.html
• http://blog.eset.com/2012/07/24/asia-domain-name-scams-still-going-strong
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domain_name_scams
• or just google Domain Name Scams.

#StoutDay 2012

Here it is International #StoutDay again.

I was going to go out and grab a half-growler of some local small brewery's stout today, but things just got too busy at work and I decided to just head home after. I do, after all, have beers at home.

I was able to earn the 2012 untappd Stout Day badge tonight with my world-famous Stouticus American Stout.

Weekend Getaway

Perhaps you recall that our little yellow duck courageously fought his way to a 12th place finish in the 2011 Breckenridge Duck Race. Well, he did. (see Pictures from the 2011 Breckenridge Duck Races). When you are talking thousands of ducks, 12th place is pretty impressive.

It is in fact impressive enough that it earned the Colorado Shepards a prize.

That little yellow ducky won a gift-certificate to Beaver Run, which is a resort in Breckenridge. The amount on the gift-certificate was enough to cover one night in a two-bedroom suite during a non-peak time of year (it would have covered about half a night during ski season).

My wonderful wife figured out that based on everything else we have going, this weekend was when we would have to use this.

So, we headed up to Breckenridge this weekend.

Neil Zhang

I got an email (see below) from Neil Zhang of the Asian Domain Registration Service in china.

He is trying to scam me. I doubt the emailer is actually named Neil Zhang and I am almost positive that he doesn't work for the Asian Domain Registration Service in china. He is simply a Tweedle Beetle screwing with me. It is fine. I'm used to it.

In his email, he claims that some Asian company is trying to register "sheppybrew" as its "Net Brand", and has applied for a number of domain names such as sheppybrew.asia, sheppybrew.cn, etc ... (look below for the whole list). He is concerned that as I currently own the domain name "sheppybrew.com", I may not want this Asian company to pick up all those similar domains. He is giving me the opportunity to let him know that I did not authorize this Asian company to register the domains.

Seriously? Why? (poison rationality)

I really have not been myself this past week. I think maybe the Tweedle Beetles are screwing with me again, but I can't quite figure out why or even exactly how.

Last Sunday morning (AKA Eric's Red brew day), started off with me feeling like I had come down with a minor cold. A few sniffles. Slightly sore throat. Nothing to be concerned about. Didn't keep me home from church. Didn't prevent me from brewing. No big deal.

The brew day went great (see Eric's Red brew day if you have not already). After clean-up and the AFC Championship game, I felt a little worse, but I was totally able to chalk that up to finding out that New England was going to another Superbowl (makes us all feel a bit sick, I'm sure).

Pictures from the 2011 Breckenridge Duck Races

If you've been following around in the recent developments on the whole Tweedle Beetle saga. (especially my last blog entry) , you know that the Colorado Shepards attended the The Summit Foundation 24th Annual Great Rubber Duck Races.

You also know that this year (for the first time EVER) we overcame the cheating efforts of the Tweedle Beetles and WON! Yes, it was only 12th place, but that was good enough to make the list of winners and get a prize.

IN YOUR FACES, Tweedle Beetles!

Here are some pictures from Race Day:

Tweedle Beetles Return Part III

So, if you've been following along with  Tweedle Beetles Return Part I and Tweedle Beetles Return Part II. you may be asking yourself "Why is Sheppy so sure that the Tweedle Beetles are involved with this mess?" If you haven't been following along, go back and read Part I and Part II.

Tweedle Beetles Return Part II

picture from geocaching.com (of all places)

I know you have all been waiting with great anticipation for the exciting conclusion to Tweedle Beetles Return Part I. Ok, you probably don't care that much, but it is my blog, and this is what I'm posting today, so deal with it. If you need to catch up, go ahead and read part I. Go ahead, part II will still be here when you are done.

So, I have all these emails coming into my sheppybrew inbox. There were not so many that it was unmanageable. It was just annoying. So, what did I do? I decided to program a CAPTCHA challenge into adding comments to my site.

The Tweedle Beetles Return Part I

picture from geocaching.com (of all places)

I finally figured it out! Those sneaky little Tweedle Beetles are back! Well, I don't suppose they ever really left, but they have been quiet for quite some time. For whatever reason, they have decided to passive-aggressively attack me over the past several days. Sadly, it took me over a week to discover the identity of the attackers. Damn Tweedle Beetles!

3 to 4

I have not seen the Zizzer Zauzzer Zuzz in awhile. Sometimes I think about where he might be or what he might be doing, whose life he is currently trying to ruin, or why I would even be thinking about him. I can no longer breath under water or fly through the air. I don't really miss those powers, because as I mentioned way back in 2006, the situations in which those powers may turn out useful are very few and far between.  Besides, I sort of suspect that while I had those powers, my immortality was disabled, and now I am immortal once again.  Immortality is a much better power than human flight, don't you think?

The Tweedle Beetles are still around, but I don't find myself obsessing about them as much.  And, for the most part they seem to be leaving me alone.  I'm sure they are working on some nefarious plot, but what do I care?  As long as they stay away from me and mine, they don't bother me so much.  For the most part, their evil schemes were not all that damaging anyway.  I would have liked to win or place in the Breckenridge Duck Races, but losing didn't ruin my life.  Yes, the Anaheim Mighty Ducks (now known as only as the Ducks) won that Stanley Cup, but I got over it.  In fact now that the Blackhawks have actually won a championship in my lifetime, very few hockey things bother me much anymore (Red Wing players and fans excluded, of course).

Besides, I can't let those T-Beetles bother me too much.  They make a great beer.

---

Ok, I was wrong.  The DAMN Tweedle Beetles made those momma-boy Sedin twins and those pansy Vancouver Canucks and the idiotic Green Spandex Men win tonight.  I would not be at all surprised to find out that the Green Spandex Men are actually Tweedle Beetles in disguise. 

Those stupid green men look evil, don't they?  Come to think of it, so does Kesler.

I hate those freeking Tweedle Beetles!!!!

Happy Brew Year

I am currently brewing my first Imperial Russian Stout. Basically, my first Imperial anything. Beersmith told me my OG (original gravity) would be 1.085 and with a decent attenuation, I would get about 8.25% alcohol by volume. That is quite a kick ... quite a bite, but I actually measured my OG at 1.089, which I believe should give me an ABV pretty close to 9%. I am sure there are homebrewers out there who laugh at a mere 9% alcohol content, but for my little brewing operation, that is very high. A couple of pints of that, and someone would be knocked silly. That is what they call a "stay at home" beer.
It is also hopped-up more than any beer I have done yet. Its bitterness is up over 80 IBU's (rager formula) and even with the high gravity malty character, its GU:BU is higher than I have ever done.
Its color is almost 45 srm, making it the blackest beer I have other done.

What do we know about Tweedle Beetles?

Tweedle Beetles battle in bottles. They kick and bite and swing those paddles with the intention of knocking you silly.

They are (or at least I suspect they are) heavily involved in the Summit County mob. They are mean and nasty .... dare we say bitter. Perhaps we can even call them dark hearted evil creatures. Their hearts are black.

So, I named my black, bitter, bold beer with an alcohol kick that could knock you down: Tweedle Beetle Stout. The association between the Tweedle Beetles and the Summit County Mob (which is probably in some way related to the Russian mob) just strengthens the tie between the Beetles and the Russian Imperial.

Tyler was kind enough to help me out with the label:

The yeast really went crazy for the first few days of fermentation. On day 4, they have calmed down a bit, but there is still quite a layer of krausen on the top of the fermenting beer. Overflow was inevitable, and I did a "top crop" of the krausen during the height of the craziness. I'll use that top crop harvest in my Leprechaun Stout which I'll be mixing up either tomorrow or this weekend in hopes to have it available for St. Patrick's day.

2009 was a successful brewing year. At this time last year, I had my Mr. Beer kit, but had not yet started using it (my first batch was brewed starting 01/10/2009). And if you compare that first Classic American Blonde Ale with what I have done lately, there has been light-years of improvement.

My beer inventory is pretty impressive (IMHO) and my pipeline shows no signs of slowing down. My biggest problem now is storage space for my beer, which just means I'll have to drink (or share if I have to) more.

SheppyBrew now has at least 6 established signature beers (Eric's Red, Wetta Blonde, Whisky Wife Wheat, Phat & Tyred Ale, Dragon Spit, Blackhawk Black), and a few others that are probably close to being in the regular lineup (Girly Berry, Tommy Hawk APA, Tweedle Beetle Stout, Fools' Gold). A little over half of these still have Mr. Beer ingredients in them, but I have already reformulated recipes for Eric's Red, Dragon Spit, Whisky Wife Wheat, and Tommy Hawk APA to be completely SheppyBrew recipes without any HMEs.

Of course on top of those regulars, my little nano-brewery also puts out several seasonal and / or experimental beers for most all the major beer drinking holidays.

You can read a lot about all these beers at http://beer.ericshepard.com if you so choose.

So, it will be interesting to see what new exciting SheppyBrew experiences will come up in 2010. At some point, I'm probably going to have to start moving to 5 gallon batches. I'm not sure if that is this year or not, but I'm sure eventually it will have to be done. I keep going back and forth on if I want to become an all-grain brewer. My Phat & Tyred and BlackHawk Black Ales are partial mashes, and I really like how those have turned out. I'm just not sure if taking the next step to complete mashes is worth the extra effort. I will probably try an all-grain batch sometime.

Happy Brew Year.

ducks

Well, we did not win the any of the duck races again this year. Damn those Tweedle Beetles.

It was a good weekend though. I thought it seemed like there were less people this year, but apparently there were a record number of ducks. There were around 11,000 in the main race. 10 of them were ours, and we did not place in the top 50. We did not win anything.

There is a restaurant in a widened out section of the blue river called the dredge. It has a deck over the water and on the deck you can buy little pellets to feed the trout swimming around the dredge. The kids thought this was really cool. It might have been their favorite activity all weekend. We fed the fish every morning and evening over the weekend. The fish were really hungry until the very last morning, and usually attacked the food we threw to them.

We got Connor a wrist band this year to play on all the inflatable things this year. He really liked the big obstical course. He and Tyler raced through it hundreds of times. Tyler always won but Connor was having such fun that he did not notice. Other than the bouncy castle, the obstical course is all that Connor did. But he did it more than enough to make the all-day bracelet a better deal than buying tickets for the stuff.

As always for our visits to Breckenridge, we got two bedroom condo and so Tracy and I slept in a separate room than the boys. It is so nice being to put them to bed hours before we go to bed. Tracy and I watched 3 netflix dvds this weekend in the condo.

So as always, fun was had by all at the Breckenridge duck races. I just wish we could win something some year.

Cheating Tweedle Beetles.

Some thing

Thing 2 not with standing. Thing 1 not with sitting either.

The ZZZ told me the other day "I am the Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz." I am sort of shocked he knew.

He's got Pretty Persuasiion. I don't got Pretty Persuasiion. Maybe I should get me some. Poison Rationality. The problem with getting what you want is that usually it costs more than you think it will. Its just a talk. After all you do know best.

Streaming the consciousness. It makes for a stupid sounding (looking?) blog. But then none of my blogs reek of intelligence.

Right now I am sitting on a bench outside fado Irish Pub in LODO Denver. If you have a Brad Hop type arm, you can hit Coors field with a baseball from where I am sitting.

It is a nice little spot under a shade tree. It is a good little spot to come on days when I just have to get out of the office for a few minutes. When (and if) I leave CHFA, I will miss this spot...unless I get another gig right here in LODO.

Whenever I sit here I think about taking the rest of the day off and sitting on fado's deck drinking Irish beers. I do not think my customer would approve of me doing that. The Tweedle Beetles probably would not have a problem with me drinking beer instead of working. But then they would probably welcome the opportunity to tattle on me.

Damn those Tweedle Beetles.

So, thinking about it is as far as I will ever get.

Anyway, I need to get back to work. That computer program won't write itself yet.

My TV

The tweedle beetles strike again.

My big TV has been having problems for quite some time. Since about the NFC championship game, the TV has been intermittenly shutting itself off immediatey when I tried to turn it on. I have to shut it off and back on several times before I actually get it on. Once it actually comes on it if fine until I turn it off.

At first, the problem was barely a problem. In fact for awhile I thought that phone suport had helped me fix the problem by going into TV settings and resetting to factory defaults. But it started getting worse and now I can count on spending 10 minutes trying to get the TV on.

The TV is still under warranty.

Vizio sent out an independent support tech out to replace two parts and the TV still did not work. Now they are sending me a new TV. They are low on stock for my model so they are sending out a newer model.

It has taken a long time (some of which is my fault), but in another 7 to 10 business days, I will have a brand-new 50 inch HD TV.

As I said, the whole process seems like it should have taken less time but for the most part considering everything, they did a fine job resolving the situation. I do not really have a problem with their problem resolution.

I hate the fact that the most expensive TV I have ever bought caused me the most problems. The most I have ever spent on a TV before this was less than 200 bucks and it is 13 years old with NO problems. I had my big fancy new technologically advanced TV for less than a couple of months and had major problems with it. And if it had not been under warranty I would probably have spent more money getting it fixed than I spent on all my previous TVs combined (all my 2 previous TVs).

And it seems to me that the more advanced and expensive things get, the more unreliable they tend to be. And the repairs get more expensive.

The guy who came by to replace the TV components told me that my brand of TV is usually one of the most dependable he services, and that I was just having ba luck with it. I did believe that he was telling the truth.

And if the new TV lasts me 20 years, I will be very happy. But right now I sort of doubt that this will last me as long as my other TVs. And that sort of pisses me off.

Right now I feel like

Tweedle Beetle Update

So remember the Tweedle Beetles? (http://esheppy.blogspot.com/2006/03/tweedle-beetles.html) I bet I have referenced them the most of any person or thing or concept in my blog. I blame them for all kinds of ills with my life and the world in general. Some of my claims in regards to the Tweedle Beetles turned out to be false. For instance, I no longer think that Tweedle Beetles invented the big-screen TV. It was also not their fault that I did not own one. I now do own a big-screen TV and no Beetles of any kind attempted in any way to stop me. Obviously, the Tweedle Beetles did not prevent the Rockies from making the playoffs since the Rockies did end up winning the NLCS. I do not even think that the Tweedle Beetles had anything to do with the pathetic showing the Rockies had in the World Series, although I am quite sure that Tweedle Beetles are big Red Sox fans. They do not like Fox in Socks, but they probably do like Baseball Players in Sox.

Anyway, I still do think that they are involved with the Summit County mob. And I still do think they need to be stopped. I am still looking for the Fox in Socks and the Knox in Box to form an alliance whoes sole purpose will be to fight the Tweedle Beetles. Unfortunately, the Fox still has not gotten back to me, and I fear that the Knox has been neutralized by the Tweedle Beetles (or some of their minions) and may even be dead never to be found. I'll bet they put cement overshoes on the poor guy and sent him to the bottom of the ocean. Davy Jones might know where he lies, but DJ will certainly not tell me and even if he did, would it do me any good?

I have come close to tracking down the Fox, but nothing concrete enough to share with my faithful readers of this blog (or should I say reader of my blog).

In case you wish to refresh your memory about some of the things I have written about the Tweedle Beetles, I have listed some links of Tweedle Beetle Blogs. You might want to go in reverse direction to maintain a chronological order in your mind.
Auction Automations
TV
Rockies
Subdomains
Knox in Box
Fox in Socks
September
Wasn't There
Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz
Tweedle beetles

A close second to the most referenced person or thing or concept in my blog is probably Jesus. How screwed up am I that Tweedle Beetles seem to hold more interest to me than Jesus? I am pathetic.
Christmas
Caiaphas
He is Risen
Eat Pig
Homeless
Is anger a sin?


And actually, I did a blog search on "Tyler". It appears that I reference my kids much more in this blog than Jesus and Tweedle Beetles combined:
Ryan ; Pool ; Kelsey ; Is anybody there? ; AA ; Miscellaneous thoughts ; Baby Adventure ; He is Risen ;Male Grizzlies ; Male Lions ; Happy New Year ; Potty Training II ; Potty Training ; Thanks ; Theodore ; Smacking Tyler ; Jeremy Shepard ; 10 Years ; 14ers ; Time Flies ; Tyler Cowboy ; Is anger a sin? ; Good Day to Die

That is certainly appropriate because Tyler and Connor do interest me more than anything.
I reference my wife quite a bit too. Probably more than Tweedle Beetles but less than my kids.

I keep saying how uninteresting this blog is, but as I went back through some of these posts, they really were sort of good. (only if I say so myself) I really should go back and read the old posts more often. You should look at some of these too.

Anyway, I promise to you that I am not done fighting the Tweedle Beetles and just because I have not chronicled every little battle, does not mean I have not been actively trying to rid the world of the evil known as the Tweedle Beetles.

Everyone other than the Tweedle Beetles and their minions, please have a healthy and happy 2008.

Knox in Box

The Knox appears to have gone completely missing. Is he a victim of foul play? Or is he simply in deeper hiding than even the Fox?

Either way the Tweedle Beetles strike again.

If I mysteriously disappear, blame the Tweedle Beetles.

Fox in Socks

Let me start off by apologizing. In my previous blog I refered to the Fox in Sox. There is no Fox in Sox. His name is Fox in Socks. I can not believe that I did such a thing. Must be baseball season. Sorry.

I wonder why the Chicago and Boston baseball teams wear sox whereas everyone else, including most foxes wear socks. Someday I will try to find out.

Chicks with bricks and blocks and clocks come.

With the intention of joining forces with Mr. Fox against Tweedle Beetles, I have been making phone calls all day. I did not have much luck until I was finally able to track down Slow Joe Crow who knew how to contact Luke Luck and his duck. Incidentally, they were not licking lakes. When I called, Luke and his duck were chewing some new blue gooey goo. Luke tells me that the goo tasted somewhat gluey. It was his first time chewing goo. The duck had done it before with his friend Goo-Goose (not to be confused with a Minnesota Grey Goose .. Or is it gray duck?) and had finally convinced Luke to try it. Water foul like gluey goo. Apparently Luke does not really care for it. I told him to try a Venti Vanilla Non-fat Latte. Maybe he'll like that better.

So, Mr Luck would not give me Fox in Sock's phone number, but he did give me a secret email address with a cryptic code phrase that Fox will recognize as a request for correspondence. It is all much more clandestine than I am used to. What have I gotten myself into?

At the moment I am waiting for the fox to get back to me.

I am sure the cautious and secretive nature of this whole experience has something to do with the Tweedle Beetles.

September

I rode the light rail into work today and composed a brilliant Blog about September and Tweedle Beetles and the Summit County mob. Somehow, I lost it. I blame the Tweedle Beetles. Now, this less-than-brilliant recreation from my memory will have to do.

So, it is now past the ides of September and I cannot believe that the summer is gone. Of course, the weather is still summer-like for the most part, so it does not feel like the summer is over. But, still. Where did it go?

The Shepards attended the annual Breckenridge Duck races again this year. We had a good time, but again we did not win. We did not even place. And this year I believe we had the best ducks. Our ducks should have dominated the field, both in the children's duck race and in the main event. We certainly should have come home with some prize. We didn't.

So obviously, there is one (maybe more than one) Duck Race Official who is under the influence of the Summit County mob. There is no other logical explanation for our defeat every year. He probably started out betting on non-duck-related events, and lost a little too much to the wrong people. Once he was in dept to organized crime, though, he was forced to influence races he was officiating and now he cannot get out from under the thumb of the Summit County mob. Eventually you would think he will slip up enough to get caught and the mob will just get to someone else. The Shepards may never win the Breckenridge Duck Race.

I cannot prove it, but I think the Tweedle Beetles are heavily involved with the Summit County mob. This Duck Race scandal certainly fits with their MO. They are the only ones sneaky enough to fix a Race for charity, and to cover it up so neatly. I guarantee that I am the only one who even suspects there is foul-play here. As far as I can tell, I am the only one who is convinced that the Tweedle Beetles are so nefarious. And even I cannot prove it. They are so secretive and sly that even someone who tries to watch them like a hawk cannot be sure they are into such contemptible underhanded dealings. Come to think of it, I would bet that the Tweedle Beetles run the Summit County mob.


I also think that the Tweedle Beetles are responsible for the Pine Beetle epidemic in Summit and Grand Counties of Colorado. What makes me the most suspicious is that no one else suspects it. I mean, how obvious could it be. Pine Beetle ... Tweedle Beetle. Have you ever seen a Pine Beetle? There is no way such small creatures can destroy miles and miles of trees the way their grubs are accused. Have you ever seen a Tweedle Beetle? They have sharp teeth and mean - looking eyes. They could defiantly pull it off. I am not sure what motive the Tweedle Beetles have to destroy pine forests other that pure malicious intent towards people (and especially me) in general. And people think they are so cute!



So, anyway, we did not win the Duck Race. We did not even place. We won nothing. I am not even sure they put our ducks into the water (the Duck Race Official could have just kept ours in the truck or drugged them or just about anything). I cannot complain, because the whole purpose of the event is raise money for the Summit Foundation. If I complain, I come off as a petty, sore losing, child-hating troll. See how genius the whole thing is? Only the Tweedle Beetles would try such a plot.

And now we are well into September and I feel like the summer was not all it could be. It was a nice summer but ....

I did not climb any 14ers. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

We only went camping a few times this summer. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

The Rockies are pretty much out of the play-off race. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I do not own a big-screen TV. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I did not get as much development done on our Auction software as I would have liked and now we have some time crunches. Obviously I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I did not go on SheppyQuest this year. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I did not work out as much as I should have and quite often have trouble sleeping at night. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I am addicted to Venti Vanilla Non-Fat Lattes. Who else would I blame other than the Tweedle Beetles?

I got rid of our Blazer for a freaking Mini-Van. Obviously this is the fault of Tweedle Beetles.

I am not sure how to spell Tweedle or Beetle. I had to look up the spelling for both words. A smart guy like me should not have to do that. Guess whose fault that would be!

I cannot figure out a good way to snoop through my wife's email without her knowing. Let's blame the Tweedle Beetles.

The Broncos started 2-0, but really do not look that good and will probably win their first 5 and end the season 9 and 7 missing the playoffs. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I got into work today and my security card would not let me out of the stairwell. I blame the CHFA IT department. There is no evidence to suggest that the Tweedle Beetles are involved in any way.

My cell phone lost my brilliant blog this morning and now I have to recreate it from memory which is not turning out nearly as good. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

I am obsessing about creatures who only exist (allegedly) in a Dr. Suess book. Can you imagine whose fault that is? Tweedle Beetles.

Fox news seems to think I care that Donald Trump does not like Rosie O'Donald and who gets custody of Anna Nicole Smith's kids. Of course the last couple days have actually all-OJ, all the time.

No one (except my sister) reads my blogs, because of the Tweedle Beetles.

Roxboro State park is starting to get surrounded by ugly mansions... built by Tweedle Beetles.

The Ducks won the Stanley cup. Thanks in part to the Tweedle Beetles, I'm sure.

Octoberfest starts this Friday because the Tweedle Beetles.

We missed getting tickets to Day out with Thomas this year. I blame the Tweedle Beetles.

Who knows what other stuff the Tweedle Beetles or involved in? If I can come up with all these things in a matter of a few minutes, imagine the hordes of evil plots they are connected with. And the frightening thing is... almost no one even realizes the threat.

Maybe I can track down Fox in Sox or Knox in a Box. Certainly they must be wise to the impending peril. Especially the Fox in Sox. He is a first-hand victim of their violence and deception. Yes, I will seek the Fox and the Knox and form an alliance. Together we will figure out a way to save the world from the Tweedle Beetles. That is... if the Tweedle Beetles don't stop us first.

BEWARE the Tweedle Beetles. BEWARE.

Wasn't There

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away.

--William Hughes Mearns

The man who isn't there may be in cohoots with the Zizzer Zauzzer Zuzz and the Tweedle Beatles. He never looks all that suspicious, and anyone who never look suspicious must be up to something. He openly ignores me to the point that I know he must be spying on me. I just know it. Of course, I have no proof, so I can not come right out and do something to him. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, I usually meet him on stairs, but sometimes I'll be walking down the street (on the lookout for tweedle beetles) and I'll get this feeling that no one is watching me. It has to be the man who isn't there. Who else wouldn't be watching me?

Of course I still don't know for sure that the ZZZ is actually conspiring against me. I got an email from my sister not too long ago. My sister is the only person in the world who actually reads my blog. She often (well often compared to anyone else ... including the man who isn't there) emails me about my blogs. In the email she told me that her sons had been talking about the Zizzer Zauzer Zuzz lately and that she also was a bit suspicious about him. Well, that tends to validate my suspicions, but still I have no proof. It would, obviously, make lots of sense if the man who isn't there was working with the ZZZ by doing surveillance. Who knows how far the network of deceit goes?

It is also pretty obvious that if the man who isn't there is spying on me, he is also probably working with the Tweedle Beetles. They just work too much alike for it to be a coinincidence. So, if the ZZZ is in fact working with the man who isn't there, and if the man who isn't there is in fact working with the Tweedle Beetles, obviously, the ZZZ and the Tweedle Beetles are working together against me as well. This man... this missing piece of the puzzle (until the other day) is the single most concrete piece of evidence I have of this mass conspiracy.

I have to act quickly. I must do something. I have to protect myself from this syndicate of evil - doers. But what are they up to? What can I do to protect myself? What can I do to go on the offensive?

I don't know. Maybe I'll go to work.

Everyone be careful out there!

Tweedle beetles

I've been watching out for the tweedle beetles. It is difficult because they are sneaky. Whenever you look for them, they scatter. Who knows where they go? To make matters worse, whenever they walk around in downtown Denver (maybe other cities as well) they are in disguise! Sometimes they look like big fat men. Sometimes they look like skinny little girls. Sometimes they look like homeless guys or women. Sometimes they look like regular beetles. Differentiating between tweedle beetles in disguise and everyone else is not easy. There is a subtle look in their eyes which is hard to pick up without experience in this sort of thing. And it is hard to see their eyes while they are scattering.

One way you know for sure you are looking at a tweedle beetle is if it is in a bottle with other tweedle beetles having a paddle battle. Quite often the bottle is on a poodle. Sometimes, the poodle is eating noodles. If there is a fox in sox in the bottle with them and a knox is walking away from the bottle, you can be almost certain that you are looking at tweedle beetles. In fact, I've never ever ever heard of this happening with anything but tweedle beetles.

Unfortunately, it is somewhat rare that just walking around downtown, tweedle beetles behave like that. As I said above, they are usually in disguise. Now, I've never had a tweedle beetle do anything physically to me while I'm walking around, but then I look out for them. I hardly ever let my guard down, so it could be that the tweedle beetles are looking for easier marks. I suppose it is possible that the reason I have not had problems with tweedle beetles is that they are, in fact, harmless. But what is the likelihood of that? I certainly don't trust a whole group of organism that wander around in disguise.

You shouldn't either. Watch out for those tweedle beetles.

When Tweedle beetles battle with paddles in a bottle and the bottle is on a poodle and the poodle is eating noodles, they call this a Tweedle beetle puddle paddle noodle poodle battle.

Dr. Seuss